Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

Written to my heavenly son Tre': 

It is hard to believe that you would have been 7 years old today.  Its seems like not long ago you were a baby and just yesterday that we gave you back to the Lord at the tender age of 4.  


Psalm 139 verses 13 through 16 still resonates in my mind as I think about your birth day. 


13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  
15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

I obtain comfort in knowing that God knew you would be born with Edward's Syndrome (Trisomy 18) before you came to earth.  Wow! All your days were written in God's book!  Although your first few days, weeks and even months were intimidating, you triumphed over your struggles.  We saw God heal your heart, re-shape your hands and give you a smile that could melt the most rigid heart.  He even healed you of the cancer although not here on earth.  We thank God for the miracles he performed in you and the lives of our family too.  We miss you dear but you are always near in pictures and memories we hold close to our hearts.  


Love,
Mommy

Hope - Grief's Best Music

The other day I sat and looked attentively as my 4 year old son Joshua gazed at family photos on the living room wall.  He glimpsed at a portrait of his older brother Tre' and said, "Mommy I miss Tre', I wish he could come back".  My heart skipped a beat and then melted to the floor.  You see, our son Tre' was the same age as Joshua when he lost his battle with liver cancer a little over 2 years ago.  Joshua was only 2 years old when his big brother went to be with the Lord.  And let me tell you, Joshua will never forget him.  


Reflecting on those thoughts uttered from the mouth of a babe, if Tre' could come back would he?  I am sure he is having too good of a time to come back to us on Earth.  I know he will be waiting with other loved ones to receive us into heaven.  One thing is for sure, while we are still here, we must live our lives in such a way that we will be able to see him again.  


Having experienced the loss of my child, someone I helped give life to, I've come to the realization that people are the most important thing in life.  I am sure you have heard people say "There are no U-Hauls following behind hearses".  There is nothing in this world that you can take with you when you pass from this life except people, by showing them Jesus Christ.  My husband and I live our lives so that the light of Jesus shines through us.  So that some, if not all, can be saved.  They will be the ones we will see again in heaven.  

When I grieve my son, I read Romans 5:1-5 and rest in HOPE.  
"We have peace with God through his son Jesus Christ.  Through whom we have gained access by faith into His grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God!  The HOPE of knowing that one day we will see Tre' again."  


In the words of Henry Bohn, a 19th century British publisher, "HOPE is grief's best music" 


Much Luv,
Deme

Dry Bones Live (Spiritual ReBirth) - 2009 She Speaks Conference

Wow is about all I can say about the She Speaks Conference!   The weeks and days leading up to the conference, I felt physically and spiritually depleted.  I was in a drought, a dry place.  I didn't feel worthy enough or qualified enough to even attend such an event.  I had lost hope for the ministry vision God had given me.  Me and Doubt were having a fabulous Pity Party.  I began to feel like Ezekiel down in the midst of the valley full of dry bones (Ezekiel 37:1-14).  But as I sat through each session God began to breath new life into my dream.  He added flesh and skin back to the ministry He gave me months before.  I give much props to the team at Proverbs 31 Ministries.   They did an awesome job putting it all together.  After leaving the conference on Saturday night, I felt as though I had hit the lottery.  A wealth of information, resources, and experts in the Christian world of writing and speaking were right at my finger tips.   God granted me access so that I can empower others.  Being around so many women that shared common ground, gave me the confidence to dust off my dream to write and share God's gift of HOPE. 


Much Luv,
Deme

Today's Walk - Look towards the Son!

Over the last week I have been really seeking God on some things in my life.  All throughout the day, God had been dropping some nuggets into my heart.  Recently I started a walking regiment in an effort to loose some weight.  I have been using my walking time to really reflect on what it is God wants me to do and how he wants me to do it.  I left work a little later than usual and couldn't make up my mind whether or not to walk.  God spoke to me and said Go walk because this is where I can spend quality time with you.  I started out on my walk and when I got to the spot where I usually start off on the trail, God said go the opposite way you have been going.  I began thinking to myself if I go the opposite way I will be blinded by the sun.  I don't have any shades because my husband sat on them the other day!  That's a story for another day.  I was obedient and followed God's instructions.  God was telling me to go against the grain.  He was telling me to do things different from what is normal or accepted.  Earlier this week, I started a new bible study lesson called "Life: The Edited Version".  The author's main scripture was Jeremiah 18:4 (HCSB) which says.. 

"But the jar that he was making from the clay became flawed in the potter's hand, so he made it into another jar, as it seemed right for him to do."

Here in this scripture, God is giving us a real-life example of how He, the master craftsman of our earthen vessels, wants to re-shape us into a beautiful work of art.  Listening to God today and changing the direction of my physical walk is symbolic of how he wants to change our spiritual walk also.  But that is not the best thing about my walk today.

Now as I began walking, in the opposite direction along the trail,  the Sun appeared brightly in my eyes until I was sort of blinded by it.  I continued along as the Sun darted in and out among the many trees along the trail.  I watched as people walked passed me once and even twice.  I started to get tired because I am so out of shape.  I even thought about taking a seat on a bench along the way. As I rounded the bend on the last stretch of my walk,  I was again blinded by the Sun.  It was at that point God revealed to me that although I walked in the opposite direction unsure of how different the trail would be, He would show me His SON!  The sun was there at the beginning of my walk and it was there at the end of my walk.  All the time appearing through the forest of trees.  As my Pastor/Husband says when he preaches, "You can go ahead and shout right there".  

Throughout our life journey, we must stop and take time to fellowship with God. Away from the noise and hustle and bustle of everyday life.  He wants a relationship with us.  He desires to take a walk with us.  Although you may get tired along the way, you cannot stop and sit on a bench.  You must continue on. Paul tells the church of Philippi that ...

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus"  Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)

Some of you reading this blog may be feeling God tug at your heart for you to get to know him more intimately.  He wants you to take a detour and walk with him.

Today God has called me to walk in the opposite direction, go against the grain and do what is abnormal.  Maybe its time for me to practice some responsible irresponsibility as the author Mark Batterson says in his book "Wild Goose Chase". He has shown me as long as I am looking towards the Son, he will guide me every step of the way.  

Demetria Murdock